What Mr. Tulane taught me

With tears streaming down my face and sobs and wails erupting from deep with-in me, I understand. I understand about love and why we love and why we must keep our hearts open in order to love again. This, I learn from a children's book. How could a lesson of this magnitude be written and understood for children? Why not? I would most certainly want my child to understand the meaning of love. And here am I, 27, and re-learning what it's all about.
Keep your heart open and never give up hope that there is someone out there to love and love you in return. Of course this could only effect me in such a manner b/c I am a lover of a certain stuffed animal that has always accompanied me, and of course I am nursing a broken heart.

I felt just like this character in this story b/c he was so heartbroken he didn't see the point in loving again; it just hurt too much when it was over. The words I read were never more true, never more meaningful, and I don't believe I would have ever truly understood them until today. The voice of reason coursed through him, just like those around me and as badly as you want to give up and resign to being alone, you must break through and open up again. We, as God's creation, are designed for love. We need it and yearn for it. Of course it is painful when we must let it go, but we shall find it again. And think about it, we always do.

I can't lie, I have always loved again and I have been loved as well. It's not just in the manner of boy/girl love either, it is all manners of love. The love of an understanding friend, a surrogate mother, an animal... Love is all around us and it's important not to let it go. It may be our duty to lift someone else up one day and remind them what love is all about, or maybe someone will remind us. I haven't cried these kind of tears in awhile, and it felt good, refreshing, cathartic. Yet, now I must re-open what I hoped would remain closed for awhile, my heart. I had even closed myself to my own pet rabbit (if that's not a dark heart I don't know what is.) Needless to say, as sad and lovely as this storybook was, it helped me to understand the true meaning of love and the important responsibility behind it. It should never be a fleeting word or emotion, but one to be savored and relished.

I can only pray and hope to continue to keep my heart open to love of all kinds and to let it flow out generously.

The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane by: Kate DiCamillo

Invisible barrier

Turns out that I'm not as fine as I first thought. Besides being mad as hell, I'm utterly lonely. While I was dating 'computer geek' I knew I needed more friends and I was desperately looking, but now I'm seriously out of luck. I lost my love and my friend and that just sucks. Also I've lost time at work so I basically have the most time on my hands I've ever had and no one to spend it with. I have been reaching out to other people at work, b/c people say that's the best place to make friends, but they are not reaching back. LA is not the town to make friends or at least decent ones. The friends around me are suddenly moving away, taking very long vacations, or just not around. My passion for acting has burned out for now and my lack of funds has made that happen, dramatically. I hate being the sourpuss, but that's what I'm going through right now and it's just not pretty. I need a soft place to land. There are so many things I want to do and now is the time I should be doing them, before I get tied down (if I ever do.)

All I know is that I am miserable, completely alone and unhappy. I am living my days like I'm waiting for the grim reaper, and my friend, that is no way to live a life. I wish I could take a happy pill b/c I would, in a heartbeat. I don't want to think about my wasted year and who I wasted it for. I don't want to think about anything, I want to do what I want to do. I want to not be scared, but feel driven towards a goal. I want to be surrounded by people who love and care for me and that only leads to me to one place... "The best is yet to come, darling, the best is yet to come." Oh, Lord, don't fail me now! (you never do)