I can't believe I pushed so many things out of my mind! It's like when you don't write in your journal for months and then finally pick it up, you can't believe you wasted so much time! Frankly, I've been too scared to write. I've been too scared to do a lot of things, but not too scared to follow my heart. I left L.A. 4 months ago, but I'm still not sure for how long. I needed to get away, sometimes it feels like the city starts running your life and you forget who is really in control. Maybe in a way I ran, but nevertheless I vacated and I have not regretted it for one second.
I have been able to catch up with 'me' and my wonderful, amazing friends that have begged me to come home for awhile. At first I came with fire and passion, but ended up jobless for 2 months. That was a rude, but necessary awakening. Now, I am fresh out of a 2 month fling and working diligently with a great company and really enjoying myself. I never thought I would be content living back home again, but it's actually been really great. I honestly don't know how long I'll be here, but it feels really great to know I don't have to set roots anywhere! I live only for God and myself and I will venture wherever he leads me. I love that feeling of not being tied down anywhere! I may not love the fact I'm single, but perhaps it suits me right now, because I'm not sure of where I want to be.
I'm not sure if I want to go back to acting (in LA) or if I want to go back to school or join the Peace Corps or maybe I'll meet my husband and we'll want to start a family! I have no clue and I am actually OK with that. I may seem like a very clueless girl who is way too afraid of commitment, but I honestly don't believe I am. I am still young and have no attachments, so it's great to kind of figure it all out as I go along.
I caved in though; I called the computer geek. I would Never have guessed I would ever call him. It's been 7 months and I have been going strong! But, boom! I am watching this movie and I am flooded with this memory of us and I get a little nostalgic. I'm not thinking of how we could get back together, I am honestly missing his friendship. Usually there is another motive, but there isn't this time. I guess I don't really know what I expected, but I just wanted to talk to a friend I hadn't missed, until now. It was probably the wrong move, but it's too late and I can't undo it. It was probably best he didn't answer, but he's going to get one seriously crazy message. What was I to say? It was awkward and silly, but that's pretty much me. Hopefully, I'll keep plugging away and not linger too much in the past. I know and he knows, that we just aren't right for each other, but it doesn't take away all the time we spent together, nor the silly inside jokes we made! Ugh, those kill me! OK, I will get my head on straight and continue to carry on. I've been doing great, and there is no reason I can't continue to do so. I promise not to wait so long next time.
