Yesterday I went to my acting class and my teacher asked me "so what did you do this past week to work on your career?" 'Shit.' I am a horrible liar, so I told him the truth. 'I didn't do anything.' I thought 'I can't be the only one who didn't do anything this week,' but apparently I was.
Everyone in the class had done something productive and over half are already in the union. Wow, I am farther behind than I thought. My excuses are just that, but they are a bit valid. The next step I need to take would be printing up my new headshots, but I have absolutely no extra money to do so. Luckily I had my cousin's husband take new shots for me, but now I must narrow down a good one and get it photoshopped. I also need to show it to my acting teacher before I get it printed, but I am so damn scared he'll say it sucks. Which would be good to know beforehand, but no one wants to be told to do it again, and do it better.
I know, I need to stop whining. Just show him the picture and if he says 'no' then show him some more till he finds one he likes. In the mean time, get off my lazy ass and humble myself to get a second job that will help me get closer; faster to printing up new headshots. I am too worried about not having health insurance that I stay in a job I hate and it sucks away a lot of my free daytime to sleeping (b/c I work overnight). If I had any guts and really wanted to make my way in this profession I would quit my job, work everyday as an extra and have another job to make ends meet. That way I'd be making money and also be getting closer to getting SAG vouchers. Ugh! Instability sucks big time! No, wait, being too scared sucks big time. Boo! Somebody kick me in the arse and fire me :)
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
My leap
I just watched the movie Broken English. I am Norah in that story, at least most of the time I feel like her. She is in a rut and tries to reach out to others, but they just don't understand what she needs or what she is going through. You just need to see the movie to truly understand what I mean.
At one point she travels to Paris to find this guy she had a fling with for a weekend. They shared a spark, but traveling to Paris was a huge leap. She is not the type of girl to venture out into the unknown. Even her best friend reminds her that she has a horrible sense of direction and is too shy. Yet, Norah remains in Paris, sans her bff and attempts to 'find her own path' on her own and perhaps find her lover.
Only when she truly opened herself up to new possibilities and started to be alright within her own skin, did she let her guard down and eventually find her missing lover. This is something that I didn't understand until I lived it exactly one year ago. My bf (yes the computer geek) and I had broken up 5 months prior and I was in some desperate need of adventure.
One night I met this funny, genuine, New York lawyer at the hotel I work at and we got to talking a lot during his stay. It was never anything flirty or sexual, it was just friendly and that was refreshing in itself. He was in town meeting friends and talking over his movie project, but at that I just rolled my eyes. I really didn't believe anything he said, but when I looked him up on IMDB, I shut my face! He claimed to have been on Law and Order and was friends with Chris Noth and he wasn't lying. When he checked out he left me his number and told me to look him up if I made it to NY. Yeah right!
Well a month later I started thinking "why not?" and picked up the phone and left him a silly message about possibly coming to NY. He was stoked! I was freaking out! The prices for a hotel were ludicrous and I didn't know what to do. I finally remembered one of my friends was a Rockette and living in NY. I reached out to her and she offered me a place to stay! Now, I needed to buy the plane ticket. Everything fell into place and I ended up spending four of the best days of my life in NYC. I was on my very own and could do anything I wanted. My lawyer friend took me out to a play, dinner, and a Giants game. I took a tour of NYC and saw the Empire State Building (where I met a French stranger). I walked all around the city and went through Central Park. I took the subway and ate my weight in pizza. I loved every single second. The feeling of freedom was exhilarating. I place this trip as one of the best moments of my life, mainly b/c I took hold of a dream I had and I turned it into fruition. It could have been a disaster, but that would have been a great story too. The point is that at least I did something, I made a leap.
Now, even though I am completely in love with my computer geek, I feel lost and out of control. Partly b/c I don't have my second income and can't jet off anytime I like, but also b/c I have lost my footing on my dreams. He sees them in me and wants to make them happen, but I am the only one who can do that. His life is going the way he wants, and mine is kind of at a stand still. This is my winter and I know that, but I am looking very forward to spring.
At one point she travels to Paris to find this guy she had a fling with for a weekend. They shared a spark, but traveling to Paris was a huge leap. She is not the type of girl to venture out into the unknown. Even her best friend reminds her that she has a horrible sense of direction and is too shy. Yet, Norah remains in Paris, sans her bff and attempts to 'find her own path' on her own and perhaps find her lover.
Only when she truly opened herself up to new possibilities and started to be alright within her own skin, did she let her guard down and eventually find her missing lover. This is something that I didn't understand until I lived it exactly one year ago. My bf (yes the computer geek) and I had broken up 5 months prior and I was in some desperate need of adventure.
One night I met this funny, genuine, New York lawyer at the hotel I work at and we got to talking a lot during his stay. It was never anything flirty or sexual, it was just friendly and that was refreshing in itself. He was in town meeting friends and talking over his movie project, but at that I just rolled my eyes. I really didn't believe anything he said, but when I looked him up on IMDB, I shut my face! He claimed to have been on Law and Order and was friends with Chris Noth and he wasn't lying. When he checked out he left me his number and told me to look him up if I made it to NY. Yeah right!
Well a month later I started thinking "why not?" and picked up the phone and left him a silly message about possibly coming to NY. He was stoked! I was freaking out! The prices for a hotel were ludicrous and I didn't know what to do. I finally remembered one of my friends was a Rockette and living in NY. I reached out to her and she offered me a place to stay! Now, I needed to buy the plane ticket. Everything fell into place and I ended up spending four of the best days of my life in NYC. I was on my very own and could do anything I wanted. My lawyer friend took me out to a play, dinner, and a Giants game. I took a tour of NYC and saw the Empire State Building (where I met a French stranger). I walked all around the city and went through Central Park. I took the subway and ate my weight in pizza. I loved every single second. The feeling of freedom was exhilarating. I place this trip as one of the best moments of my life, mainly b/c I took hold of a dream I had and I turned it into fruition. It could have been a disaster, but that would have been a great story too. The point is that at least I did something, I made a leap.
Now, even though I am completely in love with my computer geek, I feel lost and out of control. Partly b/c I don't have my second income and can't jet off anytime I like, but also b/c I have lost my footing on my dreams. He sees them in me and wants to make them happen, but I am the only one who can do that. His life is going the way he wants, and mine is kind of at a stand still. This is my winter and I know that, but I am looking very forward to spring.
that was easy
Um, too easy. My bf is a computer geek who knows everything about them and I can't believe he kept a straight face when I asked him if it was easy to set up a blog. It took literally 3 steps and *poof* my little grey castle is born.
If you're curious in the name, maybe I'll explain or maybe I'll lead you on for awhile. If you don't care, you would've stopped reading by now.
-So I'm still at work and set-up my own blog, now that's working hard. I would love to be anywhere else. At least I work overnight, so no one really bugs me, save the annoying guests I deal with on a regular basis. More to come.. promise-
If you're curious in the name, maybe I'll explain or maybe I'll lead you on for awhile. If you don't care, you would've stopped reading by now.
-So I'm still at work and set-up my own blog, now that's working hard. I would love to be anywhere else. At least I work overnight, so no one really bugs me, save the annoying guests I deal with on a regular basis. More to come.. promise-
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